A couple of weeks ago, Ashton came home from school with a foreboding gleam in his eye, and a piece of paper that he handed to me, with the words, "I don't think I need to do this." My immediate thought was detention, and I was winding up a really killer lecture in my head. Then I looked at the paper, and realized it was something worse- Family Life Class. Yes, title caps are needed. The paper outlined all that the Class would entail for 4th graders, including basic human anatomy, good hygiene practices, and how to spot and report inappropriate behavior. All good things. So when Ashton asked if there was a way I could get him out of it, with a look that clearly showed he expected my acquiescence, he was quite surprised when I told him that no, he would be going. "But... But.... You don't want me to know all this! You make Dad change the channel when Modern Family comes on!"
The truth is, I'm pretty much a coward when it comes to Family Life matters. The thought of sitting down when my kids and explaining Birds and Bees behavior to them makes me want to break out in hives. So if the school system can handle that for me in an understated, scientific, unemotional way- Bad Mom warning- I am all for that.
The next week, Ashton came home from school on Family Life day, and set his backpack on the couch like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He unzipped the backpack and reached his hand in, saying, "They gave me this. I don't think I'm ready it." Instantly I saw visions of condoms or safe sex paraphernalia, but what he pulled out was a travel stick of deodorant, Old Spice Swagger. He flushed bright red when I burst out laughing, telling him that yes, he was definitely ready for deodorant.
Lately, Atleigh has been diligently cultivating a bug phobia. I don't know where it started or why. It may have even started out as drama, and evolved into real life. But it has gotten way out of hand. When a five year old girl becomes terrified of ladybugs, you know you have a problem. What little girl is scared of ladybugs?? They're almost the girliest bug in the universe! But when one landed on my arm in the Target parking lot, and I leaned over to show it to her, expecting an "Oooh", I got an "AAAAHHHHH!" and a hit the deck reaction. Not very safe to have happen in a parking lot. A few weeks ago, through a series of unfortunate events, Chloe got stung by a wasp on the tip of her finger. Atleigh has been more traumatized than Chloe. And the truth is, I'm terribly unconcerned about this apparent phobia. Well, maybe unconcerned isn't the correct word. Maybe the word I'm looking for is annoyed. Call me mean, but I am not going to have that girl bunkered down in the house all summer long, just because she's afraid a bee will buzz by her. Did I mention she's afraid of lightning bugs? She will lack a normal childhood if she lives it in fear of lighting bugs! So, when we go out to the car, and she tries to whimper and cling to me, I calmly ignore her and subtly keep my arms out of her reach. Is this cruel? I don't know. I do know that before, when she saw a bug fly past the screen door, she retreated inside with screams. Now, she will retreat inside while trying to wear a stoic face, saying with false bravado, "Hello, Mr. Bee. There goes a bee!" Which I think is a definite improvement over quivering puddle of terror.
Chloe is my very own little Anne Shirley. Full of imagination and whimsy and big words. Lately she's been into musicals. This is something I encourage to the nth degree. I live all alone on an island of musicals in a sea of sports and action thrillers and video games. Chloe has heard the Sirens' song and joined me in our very own LaLa Land. We frequently burst into song together. She's the only one of my kids who doesn't get Embarrassed Face when I sing at the top of my lungs. For her birthday this year, I bought her The Sound of Music. You would have thought I'd given her her very own cell phone, the way she reacted. She sings all day long. She and Ashton have started this tag team singing game, where Chloe sings a line and Ashton supplies a one word chorus. It's almost like a chant. This game fascinates me. To hear them sing in sync, with no forethought or practice or cues- it's one of those rare glimpses into their relationship as siblings, not as my children. One of those out of body moments when I recognize my children as their own people, not as belonging to me. And Chloe is fearless with her singing. She has a beautiful, high, clear voice (although she tends to sing through her nose a little- we're working on that). She doesn't care who hears her. We work on harmonies- meaning I'll hum one note, and they have to find the harmony note. Ashton is especially good at this. When I was a kid, I heard harmonies in everything. I hummed along to the vacuum cleaner, the washer, the bathtub. Now I catch my kids doing the same thing, and I love it. There's a little piece of me that's in them, living on, without any of us consciously knowing it's there.
Isn't this what real Family Life is about? Little, everyday things that make us blink and realize that our family dynamics are as one of a kind as we are. Learning what it means to grow up; overcoming fears, even realizing that some fears are unfounded; inside jokes that become bywords, finding common ground that binds us together. Defining us as a group, refining us as individuals.
No Family Life is perfect. God knows mine is about as far from it as possible. But it's ours. It's our life to make or break, our kids' lives to stunt or grow. It's not scientific, unemotional, or remotely low key. It's not devoid of fear, or drama.
But this existence, this Family Life- it's full to the brim. It's full of its very self, running over with laughter, and song, hugs and kisses and smacks, hair ruffling and belly tickling, impromptu duets and dances, and yes, it's even full with anger and drama and tears. There's just so much life in this life. And this, this, is what Family Life really means.
-M
-M
{{Our Family Life has been so demanding lately, that my "weekly" Photo Dump has just become a monthly one. Some of there are as far back as before our cruise.}}
